Essay # 2 : )

On Downtime

We have added years to life, not life to years… We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.

- George Carlin

We who live in the city have a common disease called ‘Downtime-phobia.’  By ‘downtime,’ I am not referring to vacation, getaways, or retreats – these kind of intentional breaks from the day-to-day routine; rather, they are the innumerable intervals in our mundane schedule encountered daily: traveling from one destination to another, standing in line to get take-out meals, anticipating the computer to start up, or even waiting for the laundry to finish drying.  We have no patience for them.  Even Thesaurus.com echoes that ‘downtime’ is a synonym of ‘wasted time’ – but is that necessarily true?

As a matter of fact, I used to be a time miser.  One of the biggest principles I have adhered to for the longest was to ‘save as much time as possible.’  I was easily annoyed by having to spend my precious time doing something I didn’t intend to do.  For example, if it took me three minutes to have the internet connection established, I’d say, “There must be a massive dial-up problem.”  A ten-minute-wait outside my favorite take-out place?  “Thanks, I’ll skip lunch.”  A twenty-two-minute-delay caused by a subway construction project?  “Terrible!  I should have walked instead!”  Such was always my attitude, until one day I turned around and asked myself if I have taken this time-saving matter to the extreme. Then I finally realized how and why I needed to change the way I live my life.

We are currently in an age of instant gratification.  Whatever it is, we want it quickly!  We want it now!  We want it on the spot!  Velocity is almost as important as quality.  Sometimes we consider the two to be casually related.  Just take a look at advertisements in the media and you’ll notice unmistakable evidence of this trend: “Instant search gives you answers as you type – No more waiting!”; “How to take immediate control of your mental, emotional, physical, and financial…”; “We are ready to provide you with instant help on your math problem…”, etc.  Patience is a long lost virtue.  Whatever that we desire but do not receive right then and there, we find upsetting – without realizing that we are actually the ones with attitude issues.

I have to clarify one thing though: no matter how busy city people are, there are certain things that they would gladly wait for – without even a word of complaint.  For instance, there is an infamous burger place called ‘Shake Shack’ in Madison Square Park.  Apart from its juicy burgers and smooth frozen custards, it is most well-known for its long waiting line.  The average waiting time is 45 minutes during the lunch hours on both weekdays and weekends.  No exceptions – everybody stands in the line and inches forward to the counters sporadically.  The restaurant’s one and only slogan proves the customers’ incredible willingness to wait: “The Shack shakes rain or shine. Come when it’s wet and skip the line!” – which implies that there is always going to be a huge long line if not under dreadful weather.  Obviously, when things are desirable and worthwhile in New Yorkers’ perception, they can be so gracefully patient that one would think these people have all the time of the world in their hands.  Thus, the matter here is not that we lack patience, but that we pick and choose – what is worth waiting for, and what is not.

Each of us on earth is given 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year – no more, no less.  When we say, “I don’t have enough time for this…” what we mean is not that we don't have sufficient time, but the task that requires our attention is not on the top of our priority list – we don’t want to spend a portion of our time on something that is not worth our while.  However, time is time.  It is independent of our decisions and actions, as it doesn’t proceed faster when one is on vacation in Hawaii, nor does it slow down when you and I are suffocating next to a person with body odor on a crowded train.  It keeps ticking regardless of our successes or failures.  There is no such thing as downtime, because every minute that slips away contributes to a tiny part of our lives.  Whether we are waiting for the train to come or writing the our thesis – the time elapsed is weighed equal in the eyes of the Giver of time.

In a similar fashion, some people try to define life itself by giving labels to specific time periods in life: “1984 was the best year of my life,” or, “The past five months has been the worst times ever…”  They imply that there are ‘good’ times and ‘bad’ times in life, without taking the wholeness of time in to consideration.  Time is neutral; it can only be quantified, not qualified.  It only becomes ‘good’ and ‘bad’ when we attach our subjective experiences and personal perspectives to it.  For instance, a girl who cannot live a day without a boyfriend would tell you that the time in between her previous break-up and meeting her next admirer is her downtime.  A college graduate who fails to find a full-time job three years after graduation might mark that period as the depression of his life.  An immigrant who has just arrived at a new country and has yet to find a place to settle down might call it a transition period.  These statements are not necessarily wrong – they are simply incomplete.

Everybody wants to be happy.   When we look back at the times which are filled with laughter, we cannot help but only wish to reexperience them.  Nonetheless, we cannot let that become a reason for us to despise the troubling times, the heartbreaking times, the frustrating times… you name it.  King Solomon wrote in the Book of Ecclesiastes, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.”  Downtime should be just as equally appreciated as the good times, because our lives are not completed if the two were not weaved tightly together, molding us to become who we are today.  Life would lose its meaning if we merely try to rush ourselves to move forward, pursuing one blissful moment after another while constantly ignoring the lessons we could have learned from those desolated, painful times – which most of us learn the hardest lessons from. 

Like George Carlin said, “We have added years to life, not life to years… We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.”  Indeed, by taking so much effort in planning how to save and fully utilize our time, it seems like we have lengthened our lives by being productive in doing what we desire to accomplish.  We don’t want to lose a single minute on waiting for something that is not part of our immediate goals.  However, if we don’t ever realize that life is not a timeline laid out with specific destinations, but a journey to live through and learn from, how can we get out of our own ignorance and become better people?  The blessings that life can bring upon us will not be completely revealed unless we appreciate the whole package, both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ times.  We have to give our greatest effort to try to make the most out of every second spent.  It is only then would we be adding life to years, savoring every season of the soul.

I am the only one to blame for this 
Somehow it all adds up the same 
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride 
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide 
With a world I try so hard to leave behind 
To rid myself of all but love, 
To give and die 

To turn away and not become 
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves 
More deeply than the oceans, 
More abundant than the tear 
Of a world embracing every heartache 

Can I be the one to sacrifice 
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow 

To love you - take my world apart 
To need you - I am on my knees 
To love you - take my world apart 
To need you - broken on my knees 

All said and done I stand alone 
Amongst remains of a life I should not own 
It takes all I am to believe 
In the mercy that covers me 

Did you really have to die for me? 
All I am for all you are 
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart 

And I pray, 
To love you - take my world apart 
To need you - I am on my knees 
To love you - take my world apart 
To need you - broken on my knees 

I look beyond the empty cross 
Forgetting what my life has cost 
And wipe away the crimson stains 
And dull the nails that still remains 
More and more I need you now, 
I owe you more each passing hour 
The battle between grace and pride 
I gave up not so long ago 
So steal my heart and take the pain 
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride 
Take the selfish, take the weak, 
And all the things I cannot hide 
Take the beauty, take my tears 
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours 
Take my world all apart 
Take it now, take it now 
And serve the ones that I despise 
Speak the words I can't deny 
Watch the world I used to love 
Fall to dust and thrown away 
I look beyond the empty cross 
Forgetting what my life has cost 
So wipe away the crimson stains 
And dull the nails that still remain 
So steal my heart and take the pain 
Take the selfish, take the weak 
And all the things I cannot hide 
Take the beauty, take my tears 
Take my world apart, take my world apart 
I pray, I pray, I pray 
Take my world apart 

Worlds Apart.